If only you let me
by Caramel Roze
Summary: Everyone wanted to give Ash something; sex, love, luxury, friendship, death, war, and the world. They only wish he let them. Warnings: mentions of past abuse, and spoilers.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

" _People who gave me food and a bed to sleep on always wanted something in return. Sex for example. I envy you for not needing a gun in life. We live in different worlds."_

All his life, people had wanted something from him.

Though some people like good ol' Papa Dino would shower him in luxury and dress him in fine clothes, he knew submission and being a sex kitten was what they all really wanted.

But there are some people like his gang, and Eiji that make him believe there's people that won't use him for twisted intentions and simply see him as a person, and not some piece of expensive meat being sold.

This acknowledgement of his existence as a person made his heart soar, despite the fact that he was perpetually trapped and haunted by the sins of his jaded past. He needs to keep fighting. Submission for this Lynx is like being willingly put on the executioners block, or spreading your legs to patrons despite your tears.

He's had enough of giving people something. Giving will always leave a person in debt and that means trouble. He's done, and the strong jagged walls around his heart hardened. Though he would show compassion to a few, he would still leave them at arm's length.

However, this closed-off thinking has led his allies and even enemies wishing they could be more to him. Years of abuse and love deprivation does that to a person.

If only people understood him better, if only people weren't so cruel, if only he had a better life, and lived happily ever after.

If only life had mercy.


	2. Foes

_**Ash Lynx. Our beautiful weapon and toy. You were meant to serve us. If only you let us. We would've given you everything, if only you submitted to our will..**_

 **Dino Golzine**

I would've given you my luxurious empire and a wonderful life.

I would've shown you the world, and to journey to my home of Corisca. Sometimes I miss it there instead of this hell here. These abhorrent Americans disgust me. They know no elegance nor style but are walking pigs in suits. No you Ash are more than that.

I could have shown you ancient European tapestries, arts and culture, finer dining and pristine balls and the suits I'd have you wear (only for you to take them off for me). I would've shown you wondrous things. I realise I am your demon incarnate but you were my magnificent miracle. I arouse hatred while you arouse my love with your every gaze. I would've given you anything you desired. If only you gave yourself to me, body and soul.

If only you forgot your hatred and just love me. If only.

 **Fredrick/Arthur**

I wanted your suffering. If only you didn't exist, if only you just let me have a chance against you. Your perfect self doesn't deserve to be in this hell hole. You belong in some castle. The gangs should've been mine. I earned them, but you had to steal that effort. If only you just let me.

 **Marvin Crosby**

If only you'd stop resisting, I could've given you all me, if you just gave me your body. If I had the power, you would've only been mine alone. Not Papa's but mine. I want to see you enjoy it. If only you just let me

 **Yut Lung/** **Yau Si**

I could've given you a challenge. I could've been the perfect foe for you, If only you let that boy go, and just be the Devil I imagined you'd be. You don't deserve repentance. Why you? After everything you and I have done, you have all the blessings, friends and even a chance at repentance?

No. No you were made for me to fight to the death. If only it was this way.

I…envy you. If only I felt that same…connection with someone.

No, nevermind. Sentimentality and "love" were never meant tp be yours. War was. Fighting was. This dark life was meant for you and me.

Maybe this wish is vain but ..I would've given you the perfect war.

If only you just let me.

 **Eduardo Foxx**

We could've ruled the world you and I.

I would've served as your God of Death. I would've given you the heads and blood of anyone who stood in the way of our world. Our world-wide criminal empire.

I would've destroyed governments, killed thousands and raised armies to go to war for you. If only you just let me meld you into my perfect pet, and let you taste my every desire, and you would've been powerful with me by your side. I would be the only man you'd want. Only I would have power over you.

If only you recognised that, I would've given you everything.

If only you let me.


	3. Friends

_**You've been there for us, If only we were stronger for you Ash. You wouldn't have walked that painful path alone…If only.**_

Griffin Callenreese

If only I had been stronger. If only I had never trusted Abraham and just went back home to you. I would've given you a better life. I would've never let anyone hurt you. If only I was stronger and not stuck in a state of nightmares. I know you'd give your life for me. I just wish I would've given you a better life.

Skipper:

Don't be sad over me Boss! You're more in life than just crying! I was happy with how I met you and how I lived! I loved ya! You were the greatest boss ever!

I gave you all of me and with that I am happy. If only, I would've been King of the world, I would've given you much more. If only I was.

Shorter Wong

I would've given you more than just friendship. I wish I was stronger for you. I wish I wasn't so weak inside and actually understood you better. You've been through hell and back man! If only I could've been as strong as you. I even…I would've been like Eiji for you. I wish you let me.

Alex

You were some freaking miracle that came outta nowhere and I was glad to have met you. I was so happy joining your gang and kicking ass. Arthur was such a drag but you were something else. Although, I wish I could've been closer to you than just gang mates. Kinda like what you had with Shorter. Guess I was jealous. I wish I could've known more and understood you better. If only you let me.

Cain Blood

It was an honour meeting you for a while. I wish we didn't need to meet on the battle field in the way we did. If only more white guys were like you. Like a brother. You've been through shit and of course no one deserves that. If only this life would've been better for you. If only I could just punch em motherfckers who helped wrong you.

Max Lobo

No matter what you think, you're more to people than just a pet, or a piece of meat. You are Aslan. My best friend's brother. When I heard your story, I wish…If only I could've saved you from your hell and given you a normal family life. If you were my son, I would've given you peace. It's what Griffin would've wanted for you too. I know I wronged both of you and I deserve hell for it. If only fate allowed it, if only you let me.

Shunichi Ibe

If only I was stronger, I would've helped exposed all the people who abused you and humiliated them the way they did you. No one deserves that. Even if you and Eiji are on separate sphere of the world, you're both still human. I could've helped you and bring them to justice so you can have peace of mind. If only you let me understand you before..

Sing Soo-Ling

I'm conflicted. You spared my life, but yours deserved more saving. I would've helped you maybe. I misunderstood you, if only I could have the courage to say this all to you. Lao shares my sentiment; he's just a pussy and doesn't want to say it aloud. If only I didn't misunderstand. If only I was stronger and not dumb as I was back then.

Nadia Wong

Ash Lynx. I know we never met, but I wish I would've gotten to know you in person. Shorter loves talking of you and I wish I would've been that close to him. If only both of you let me.

Jenkins and Charlie Dickenson

If only we understood and protected you more. We don't have the money and strength as those corrupt politicians in power who prey on the weak. If only you trusted us more. If only you let us.

Blanca

I could've given you escape. Peace in New York or even in Japan won't last forever. You need me to protect and shield you. My offer still stands Ash. Or perhaps you still think I'm using you to assuage my own loneliness. Perhaps I am, but you've lived a life of horror long enough. Eiji can't protect you forever, but I can. If only you'd let me.

Jessica Randy

I would've given you family as well. I also agree with Max. I know you might think of this as a joke, but I'm serious. You don't and never have deserved the horrors you've experienced in your life. If only I would've found you myself and protected you somehow. Michael deserves a strong brother like you. If only you let us.

Michael

You're awesome! If only I had a brother as awesome as you! It would be nice to play with someone apart from Mum all the time. You'd be a great big bro.

Akira

If only I met you. I wish I could've seen you in real life.

I have so many questions to ask you.

What were you like? What was your favourite food? Why do you look like a girl? But mostly, What was being with Uncle Eiji like?

I also want to thank you for being there for him, When he came back to New York, something changed with him.

He was more aware, and more alive. But then he sunk back to misery. I wish I could make him happy like you did. I wish I could live up to my name and bring a dawn to his dark misery.

If only.

But then again. Thank you so much for being in his life. You were his life.

….

Eiji Okumura:

If only…God was merciful to you. If only I would've just taken you away from your horrible life.

I would've given you peace in Japan. If only the world wasn't so against you. No…Even if everyone turned against you, I would've held my own and been your shield, your friend…your lover.

I gave you my heart Ash.

You still have it.

Sing wants me to move on. Everyone does.

Its not that simple. ITS NEVER THAT SIMPLE!

I just…If only I had been stronger. More smarter and more better. I would've just forced you to come with me. Better anywhere than where you are now.

You don't deserve death. I do.

Why you why you….

…

No. I need to do this. I need to keep going.

You always found a way to stand up and keep moving. Even when the whole country was after you, even when war was on your head, even when we lost most of our friends…you still kept fighting.

You lived your life to 100%.

You're a born miracle Ash.

It was fate that had me meet you.

And that exact fate brought me hope inside my heart.

Hope to continue living, to keep living my life as you wanted me to.

You held my letter until the very end.

And I will hold onto this life of mine until…I see you again.

This is not Sayonara, its until next time.

I will see you again. In heaven in another life I don't care.

I know I will see you again.

I love you Ash. I love you and my soul will continue to live with you as you live in mine.


End file.
